Published August 16, 2006
There is no such word as eachother
Is this self-preservation?
This dog-love-dog-hate-dog world?
Something tells me that somewhere in my schedule,
between totalitarian psychology and interior design,
you're hiding in the distant future.
I love your tombstone.
It says 'sorry about the spelling'.
There is no such word as eachother, I knew,
but you didn't, which made it that much more meaningful,
when you corrected me later.
You'll never die, dear.
You'll live forever as a poem.
No one will understand it, or even see the original,
but our conversations in abbreviations weren't meaningless,
although they have lost meaning.
The words might make sense again one day.
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Its been a while since I've written anything that vaguely resembles poetry. Be merciless.
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Canary word: Present
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
I really liked this. Reading it I got a sense of smething deeper kind of hiding underneath, that I could see now and again. Of course maybe it only seems mysterious to me because I'm too slow to get it, but anyway that was very nice.
No one will understand it, or even see the original,
I think 'original' here throws the rhythm off a little, or maybe it just doesn't fit with the tone of the poem. Again, though, could be just me.
Other than that, this was beautiful and meaningful and very fun to read. Nice work.
Wow, this is good. Enjoyable, and with a very meaningful message.
The second sentence got confusing, and messed up the flow a bit. Also, there shouldn't be a question mark after it. Actually...I think you should just take that whole sentence out.
The third stanza is very powerful, and my favorite. The 'dear' though...I don't know, I just don't like 'dear'.
This is a lovely poem, Inertia, and I very much enjoyed the message of it. One critique - the transition between the first and second stanzas is very rough and I had to read those stanzas several times to understand what was going on.
I really enjoy the spelling of eachother you have chosen. It makes the two words together much more meaningful. This is great insight, it just needs a little tweaking.
Happy editing!
Overall, I liked it, but not every line needs a comma at the end. Read it out loud to see where pauses are necessary and where they aren't. The wording was beautiful. Great job!